I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
