that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i will never coherently bang her
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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