He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
