So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
