Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
