Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
