I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
