Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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