So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
