ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
