They should really pass out barf bags in church
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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