talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We are all done wearing pants today
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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