Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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