Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
