just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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