4 words: hood of his car
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
