I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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