peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
