well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
