we have pet lesbian snakes
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
