I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
