I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
