I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
