so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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