it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
