If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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