I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize