She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
