Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we made out on top of his cat.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
