It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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