I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
