good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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