I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
