My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
