I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
