I heard we made out
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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