Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize