He uses pillows to masturbate.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
