The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
