everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
