no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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