There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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