thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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