Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
