Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
