lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
false alarm, still single
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
