I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
