hotel room ftw
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
