...so i touched it.
i will never coherently bang her
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
