guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize