One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
