You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
