is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
