I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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