All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
