Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
