Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
