would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
