what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
