we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
