i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize