Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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