I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
