chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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