Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
