When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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