I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
