No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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