Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
