Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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