i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
