We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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