I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
