my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
